“The militarisation of masculinity teaches us to swallow it until it chokes us”: Let’s talk about men’s mental health this Movember

At this year’s Extremely Long Lunch, 16-year-old Oliver Tesoriero took the stage to share powerful stories of the men in his life and the mental health challenges they faced. “Tragedy isn’t just personal,” he told the room. This Movember, as the country turns its attention to men’s health, his words are a reminder of how much the pressure to stay tough is costing Australian men.

According to the Australian Bureau of Statistics, men account for three out of every four suicides in this country, which translates to an average of seven men taking their lives every day in Australia. - Oliver Tesoriero

For young men aged 15 to 24, suicide accounts for more than one in three deaths. Behind those numbers is a culture that teaches men to stay silent. Oliver is calling for that to change, and his message is echoed by George Wardlaw, who sees the same pressure in professional footy.

The cost of staying silent

Oliver knows the cost of that silence firsthand. He lost his father to suicide after his dad pulled away and shut his family out. In his speech, he also shared the story of a mate who reached the same dark place but chose to open up about his struggles. “He did the hardest thing a boy can do,” Oliver said. “He cried on a mate’s shoulder.”

For Oliver, the difference comes down to what men are taught. He believes men are raised to be stoic, silent protectors who never ask for directions or help. “In our culture, we are taught that help is a sign of surrender,” he said.

While we are told to man up, the data shows that this toughness is killing us. This isn’t because men feel more pain than women, but because the militarisation of masculinity teaches us to swallow it until it chokes us. - Oliver Tesoriero

The pressure to perform

North Melbourne AFL footballer and long supporter of One in Five, George Wardlaw, knows what it means to perform under pressure. Playing at the top level of Australia’s biggest sport, he faces it on and off the field.

Especially in the AFL, we’ve come a long way from what we were, and the stresses haven’t gone away. - George Wardlaw

George says that in the social media age, the pressure to perform is greater than ever, and everyone handles it in different ways. For him, the answer is having people around him who let him be himself. “I live with two of my teammates who create that positive environment, and it allows me to just be myself and not carry around a footballer image.”

Breaking the cycle

Oliver’s call is clear. “We need to redefine what it means to be a man in this country,”

We must break the cycle of silence before it keeps taking our mates, our dads, our brothers. - Oliver Tesoriero

Watch Oliver’s full speech below.

The research behind the change

One in Five is currently funding a Depression and Suicide Prevention Fellowship with research partner Monash University, running from 2024 to 2026. Through this fellowship, a Research Fellow is investigating a range of identified molecules as possible targets for depression, anxiety, fear and risk-taking behaviours, with the aim of opening new paths to better treatment.

Research is how we make sure that when men do speak up, better treatment and support are there for them. Work like this takes years, and it only continues with the support of people who believe it matters. Every donation helps keep this research going and moves us closer to treatments that could change the story for the next father, son or mate.

Make a donation to help us raise funds for life-saving mental health research.

If you or someone you know needs support, call Lifeline on 13 11 14.